It's ok.....

I think that's been my lesson of the week, one of many to come I'm sure. It's ok to grieve, feel overwhelmed, to be scared, to be terrified, to cry, to mourn, to sob uncontrollably. I have to allow myself these very normal feelings so that I can have the "other ok's".

The "other oks"....it's ok to laugh, to have fun, to enjoy my children, to hold hands with Ward, to sing, to be grateful for all of the encouraging messages of love and support from family & friends (which gives me strength and peace), to notice the new flowers, to feel the wind in my long hair, to take a bubble bath, and live in the moment of the day.

Being thrust upon Breast Cancer's door can make it very difficult to balance all of these "ok's". I'll freely admit, it has been beyond difficult for me at times. There's a reason my dad called me "Grace" as a child....it wasn't because of my gracefulness or ability to "balance" myself for sure! :-)

Saturday was really tough. Sunday was a little better, everyday since a little better. Today, I'm in my "Wonder Woman" mode, like most of us wives/sisters/mothers out there who have to be in control, of something or anything.

In all reality, there is no control. Not in life, not in a cancer diagnosis. There's that illusion of it and sometimes, it's wonderful. Other times, it's a nightmare. Today, I am just staying in today and not dwelling on what will be in 4 months.

Maybe it's because we are going on a week long beach trip Saturday? Probably....we can't wait to get away and we need it desperately. (YAY VACATION!)
Maybe it's because of all the support I have from my dear friends and family, which I am truly grateful.
Maybe it's because Ward & I sat down and REALLY discussed all this, in depth, for the first time this week.
Maybe it's because I became a little more proactive and ordered some informative & personal books for both me & Ward (thank you to the ladies at FORCE) to help educate ourselves and become inspired.
Maybe it's all of the above.

And you know what???
It's ok.