I never have had much interest in Blogging. I always thought that our life was just an ordinary one filled with children, jobs, bills, family, friends, my Girl Scout Troop, school activities, sports....just like everyone else. I'm sure that our family & friends would've found a blog a helpful way of keeping up with everyone since we don't communicate enough. That's not what this one is about though.
I'm creating this blog to document this latest medical experience, the dreaded "C"-word again, and what it will take from me and our family this time. I also want to talk about what it won't take.
For some reason, Breast Cancer seems very scary to me, although I knew at some point, I'd have to face it. During earlier bouts with Bladder Cancer in 2007 & again in 2008, enduring chemotherapy and losing my hair, I was pretty scared. But this is different. Anyway, I elected to accept the genetic screening that was offered. Out of the two Breast Cancer Genes, I'm positive for BRCA1.
Having a total hysterectomy at 29 was an awful experience for me, but I knew it was needed. I knew that the screening available for Ovarian Cancer wasn't as good as the Breast Cancer Screening was. I was finished having babies, although I probably would have had a few more! I just love babies...LOL!
This BRCA1 thing...it complicates a hysterectomy. I lost my ovaries, tubes, uterus....everything. Finding the right kind of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) was difficult because the doctors kept telling me that too much Estrogen can increase my risk for Breast Cancer even more. The surgeons and doctors actually counseled me about having a double mastectomy with reconstruction in 2007.
All I had to say about that at the time was HELL NO! They just took everything (I felt at the time) that "defined" me as a woman, you're not taking my girls, too. I decided to do the extra screening you have to have when you're genetically prone to Breast Cancer.
Mammograms & Breast MRI's, rotated every 6 months. Like clockwork. For almost 4 years. Everything was fine until my breast doctor found a small lump. After some diagnostic mammograms & ultrasounds, there were now 2 areas of interest in my left breast. An asymmetrical mass that was small, and a new area of interest; linear calcifications in one of my milk ducts. All I was worried about was that mass.
Last week, I went through an ultrasound-guided biopsy for the lump and an MRI-guided biopsy for those calcifications, all in the same day. It was awful. The staff was wonderful, but not an experience I would ever want to do again.
It was even harder waiting for results. I thought that Ward & I would go insane during all these two weeks of testing and such. Turns out, that mass? Benign. Whew. Calicfications? Benign. YESSSS!!!!
But wait....a second look at pathology revealed a mass, >0.5mm, of Breast Cancer. They think that they got it all out during the MRI-biopsy and that the surrounding cells and lymph nodes look fine. So my diagnosis now is Stage 0, Tis, N0, M0. It was caught early. The best kind of Breast Cancer I guess to have if you have to have it. I should be relieved that they think they have it all, but I'm not...I'm scared.
My Options? Option #1: Radiation 5x a week for 5 weeks, or Option #2: Complete, double-mastectomy with reconstruction within 6 months. Hmmmmm.
Option #2 it is. With my history, the stupid gene, and the type of Breast Cancer I had/have, it will just keep coming back. Great. Am I excited about new boobs? NO. I like mine. They are a part of me. They nursed my babies. They are MINE! Cancer is taking this away now and it makes me angry, sad, and lots of other emotions that I just can't articulate at this time.
And what about the timing of all this? Well, it sucks. Ward & I are getting married October 22. Do we do it now? No...it's not possible. Do we do it after our Honeymoon? Looking that way. Just in time for Christmas. I meet with the plastic surgeon today.
In the meantime, we have our five children between us; Paige-15, Jessica-10, Mackenzie-10, Larissa-8,and Allen-5. We have 2 very full time jobs. We are that "typical" family that juggles a million and one things.
As much as I am trying to process this and in all the research I've been doing, I decided that blogging may help me get through this. There's a lot of women out there with Breast Cancer. There's a lot of women out there with BRCA1 or BRCA2. There's a lot of women out there who juggle families and jobs and lose their hair, and their ovaries, and their boobs.
So, let's start processing this.
FORCE
http://www.breastcancer.org/
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