A Date

In the midst of getting three children ready for school, one having started last week, I get a surprise in the mailbox yesterday. In the span of three seconds, I felt like I would have a panic attack.

I received a letter from my Health Insurance company approving my "procedure" for November 1, 2011 and approving my hospital stay for 2 nights/3 days. This isn't confirmation from both surgeons, but it's just as well.

I have an official date.

November 1, 2011 will be the day. The day I say goodbye to my breasts and hello to new ones. I keep telling myself that I'll have awesome new boobs....nice, firm, symmetrical....all that jazz. I remind myself that my boobs can kill me, so they aren't that great after all. I feel like I have accepted this surgery and what's getting ready to happen, but now I'm just scared.

I've never stopped being scared, but now my fear is solidified in the date. The date that is only four days away from the day we return home from our honeymoon. The day after Halloween. 10 freakin' days after our wedding. 23 days before Thanksgiving. Geez...am I obsessing a bit?

Both surgeons had asked about the best schedule and with the timeline, we all agreed the 1st week in November would be best. I figured it would be the 3rd, 4th.....don't ask me why. I also don't know why that even matters anyway. I need to get this over with.

My FORCE friend, Kristen, just had her surgery and is doing great. She is such an inspiration! Jill had her surgery and looks awesome. Michelle is in the midst of reconstruction and is rockin'! I am so proud of these gals and they are amazing women....strong and courageous. If they can do this, I can. Right?? I guess we'll see.

People say that fear can be both oppressing and liberating. I think I'm stuck in the middle. I'm scared because I don't know what to expect. I have a good idea, but it hasn't happened to me yet. It's gone great for my friends, thank God, but it hasn't happened to me yet. I am trying to stay positive and know that I'm not alone in this. I'm allowing myself to breathe through the fear that I am sure will appear again.

For now, I have babies to get ready for school. <3