Roller-Coasters ROCK!

Roller-coasters at theme parks, that is! LOL! The roller-coaster of life, well, in a lot of ways, is very similar to the ones I love at Carowinds. They are both exhilarating, scary, and take your breath away. They are dangerous and give you unpredictable sensations. They are more fun when you share the experience with people you love.

First of all, I must say how grateful I am to my family and friends. I am so very lucky to have such an awesome support system and I can't express my sincere gratitude. Cancer is a humbling experience for me. I'm so head-strong and this new "ride" is surely throwing me around.

This week, I set my surgery date & time in stone. The surgeons scheduled my surgery for Tuesday, November 1, 2011 at 7:30am. I am to arrive at Presbyterian Main Hospital in uptown Charlotte by 5:30am. (So much for seeing the kids off to school that day.) I am to have nothing to eat or drink past 10:00pm on Halloween.

I amaze myself sometimes. I wonder if other people choose to "ignore" looming dips on the roller-coaster of life like I seem to do. I've been so occupied with the kids' school schedules, work schedules, and wedding planning (YAY!), that I'm still surprised that my heart drops to my stomach when the surgeon's office calls.

Anyone else out there see this pattern? It's so frustrating!! I'm fine most days. I don't blog; I don't research cancer or surgical complications. I don't talk about it. "Out of sight, out of mind." Right? Of course! I LOVE my blinders most of the time. Then, I get a "preliminary" surgery date and feel like I'm having a panic attack.

At work yesterday morning, the scheduler with my breast surgeon gave me THE date and time. What happened on my end? Instant tears. Am I dealing with this in a productive way? I sure hope so. I think I am. I feel frustrated because as soon as I deal with a certain "set" of feelings, I'm thrown through a terrifying loop on that coaster and a whole new set of thoughts & feelings emerge. But as the days and weeks pass, I know that these "drops" on the life-coaster are there. I'm not expecting them, but I accept that they are there.

I don't feel alone. God is showing me that things are happening for a reason, what I need is provided. Two perfect examples of this:

1. The American Cancer Society's annual Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in Charlotte, NC takes place on Saturday, October 29, 2011. The timing of this is perfect. Ward & I will return from our honeymoon on Friday, October 28. Surgery is on November 1st. I am going to have a team and walk with all these women who are heroes. This kind of inspiration is a blessing to have right before this life-saving surgery that will forever change my life.

2. The phone call yesterday that threw me through that loop? Yes, I was upset and could not focus on much afterwards. My head and heart were racing. But it didn't last too long. Yesterday evening was the Grand Opening of Cindy's Hope Chest and it was wonderful. I've mentioned Cindy before, but to see her last night was amazing. Again, it was exactly what I needed yesterday. I am so grateful to Cindy & Mike, Michelle, and the other angels that I was able to speak with last night.

Yes, I'm scared. Sometimes I think maybe I feel nauseous from all life's loops. I think I have to watch for these "God-shots" in my life and be aware of the support that I do have. I need to just say F-it, throw my hands up, and scream through those roller-coaster loops of life. It would be way more fun that way!