I saw my favorite plastic surgeon twice this week. On Monday, he was able to see the results of his debridement procedure and I never thought I would be so excited to show my doctor my boobs! I swear, I couldn't get those dressings off fast enough. I was so relived that Dr. Appel was just as happy about the healing progress as I was. My left side looks absolutely amazing- the incision has healed into a perfectly smooth scar. My right side is quickly catching up. He took a few minutes to inspect the wound underneath the stitches and decided that I would return in a few days to take the stitches out. He does "play it safe" when it comes to healing and I am so very grateful for that.
He asked Ward about my drain output, which has been barely anything, so he asks if I'm ready to get this last literal pain in my side removed. Um....YES I AM! I have to be brutally honest here- I am a huge baby when it comes to pain. I'm a whiner! I think it's truly the anticipation of the unknown that allows my inner-baby to come out. As happy as I am knowing that the last drain is going to be gone, I am petrified that it is going to be very painful.
I do have some validation for this fear because this has been the drain that has bothered me the most. I don't know why, but it has been very tender and has given me shooting, searing pains randomly through my recovery. As I lay on that table reflecting all this, Dr. A asks me if I'm ready and I can barely grab Ward's hand in time before he starts clipping the stitches. Before I knew it, he yanked it out. IT HURT. The left one didn't hurt like that, but of course, it was removed during last week's surgery and I was a bit distracted. Although there was a lot of pain, the relief of it being gone overcame any discomfort I had.
On Friday, we came back to see Dr. A. It was a quick visit and it took him no time at all to take the stitches out on my right side. I didn't feel it at all because I'm still completely numb. He decided to put a steri-strip over the incision for a little extra support. I just leave it on until it comes off or until I see him again next Friday.
I've officially gotten over this healing hurdle and next week, I will begin my reconstruction. I get my first fill next Friday! These temporary expanders that have been placed under my chest muscles will begin to do their job. He will insert a needle in a port that is located in the expander and begin filling it with saline. As the expander fills, my chest muscles and skin will expand and stretch. No more underarm caves! YAY! The great part about this type of reconstruction is that I can choose the size of my breasts. How cool is that?!?!! It will create a good support pocket for a silicone implant that I'll get sometime next year in an out-patient procedure.
I'm really excited (and anxious) about this. As of now, I have about 250cc's of fluid each expander. Dr. Appel told me Friday that I am a large "A" cup. Since I want to be close to where I was before, at least a large "C" cup, my expansion goal is to have between 550cc's - 600cc's of fluid in each expander. As I've researched this type of reconstruction, I learned that most patients usually have between 50cc's - 60'ccs injected during each "fill". Sometimes it takes months for some women to expand to the size they want.
Dr. Appel doesn't take the "slow & easy" approach with expansion as long as his patient can tolerate it. Our goal is to have 100cc's of fluid placed into my expanders at each session. If I can stand it, the amount of time that it will take to reach my desired size will be so much shorter. That would mean that I could possibly be finished filling in January and could have my exchange surgery as early as late February or early March.
The catch to all this growing?? Pain, tightness, and discomfort. The goal is to stretch out muscle and skin, so it has to hurt. I have friends that have done this and I've heard about their experiences. Although they all handle pain differently and have different experiences during the filling process, I am hoping and praying that I can be tough through this, not acknowledge that inner-baby, and get it done. I agree with Dr. A's game plan. I would rather do big fills now and deal with a few days of big discomfort rather than dragging this process out for months.
I think I will be able to be successful at these big fills because I get to begin physical therapy on Monday. I am SO excited about this!! The PT that I will be doing is specialized just for mastectomy patients. It is a combination of deep tissue massage, stretching, and exercises. Not only will this therapy help with the discomfort of the expander process, it will also help me regain my range of motion. Dr. A has warned me that although I will get close, I probably won't regain all of the range of motion I had in my left side due to the lymph node dissection. We'll see about that!
I do, however, have to admit that the impact of the lymph node dissection really affected me more that I thought it would. My pain is very tolerable right now and I am taking minimal pain medicine. I do take muscle relaxers regularly to help with the muscle spasms that I have. My range of motion of my right side is way better than it is on the left. I really can't lift my left arm past my shoulders and I have numbness, tingles, tightness, & discomfort from my elbow to my underarm and side. It's such a weird sensation, but I can move both arms enough to take a shower by myself. That was a big accomplishment this weekend!
I had received the OK to drive last week, but didn't really want to at that time. Friday afternoon, I drove a short distance with Ward and became frustrated almost immediately because I didn't think about a seat belt strapped across my left side. It just plain hurt to have the shoulder strap go across that area. I could turn the steering wheel pretty easily, so I did well. I did have problems turning to look when I was backing out of our driving the way I always do, so I will have to be extra careful when doing that.
I drove more on Saturday and will tomorrow, too. When I was discharged from the hospital after the mastectomy, I received a little pillow to place under my seat belt. It helped a lot when I remembered that I had it for yesterday's drive. It really made a huge difference in the seat belt pain I had on Friday! Who knew?! ( Ha ha!) I will be taking the kids to school this week and driving myself to my PT appointment tomorrow.
One of the biggest & best milestones happened last night. Ward & I went to a Christmas party. It was such a HUGE boost for me to get out of this house (and not at a doctor's office) and see my friends! I had an absolute blast! There was food & fellowship everywhere. Some people knew that we were coming, but there were quite a few people who were floored to see me out. I haven't seen our friends, outside of the some visits at the hospital & home, since the wedding. There were even more people I hadn't seen since early October.
I took a while to get ready last night-shower, hair, make-up. I sported jewelry & perfume. I felt really good about myself last night. All this time before the surgery, I obsessed about how the hell I could ever handle being in public during the reconstruction process with no breasts. I just couldn't imagine being out of the house flat-chested since I have always been rather busty. I was so scared that my self-esteem would tank. Now that I am on the other side of the mastectomy surgery and all that's happened since, it doesn't bother me. Not at all, not one little bit. I'm so surprised, relieved, and excited that those pre-surgery fears were just that.....fear.
I was just so happy to be at the party and see my friends. They were happy to see me. Some are following my Face Book posts, some are following my blog. Some friends have asked questions. They all know what's happened. I don't feel less-than nor do I feel embarrassment like I was fearful I would. I am so grateful that my God answered those prayers that I said during the time I spent dwelling on the procedure. He really did give me the strength I asked for and probably a few little bonus gift, too. Not only am I excited about the new fake boobs that I'll have (which by the way- I'm super excited about the fact that I will NEVER have to wear a bra again & the new girls will always be perky! Hello tank tops & sundresses this summer!), but I also feel relieved going forward now because I don't have to always worry about lumps, extensive monitoring & testing, and breast cancer for the rest of my life.
Kinda makes a girl feel good! :)
The picture below was taken at the end of week 4. As the expansion process progresses, the expanders will fill and stretch my muscles & skin. This is the phase where my chest will be lumpy, bumpy, and uneven as we reconstruct.
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